"Birthers" are those, like Donald Trump, who believe that President Obama wasn't born in Hawaii as he claims, but in Africa. They've got it all wrong. Obama wasn't born in Africa, but he wasn't born in Hawaii either. He was born on Alpha Centauri Bb, an extrasolar planet orbiting the star Alpha Centauri B which is about four light-years from Earth in the southern constellation of Centaurus, affectionately called "lava world" by its inhabitants because of its high level of volcanic activity. I know because I'm from there too and I came to earth about the same time as he did. Both our families are originally from the Skitze clan of the Alphane moon, which accounts for our tendency to blather.
I don't remember him well. He wasn't so interested in politics then. Mostly he was known for being wicked good at playing the video game Space Invaders, which on Bb is similar to but way different from the game played here on earth. For one thing, it's played with real space invaders, who invariable get the worst of it. Earthlings would do best to consider that if they ever think of invading Bb.
The year on Bb is only 3 earth days, which makes him (and me) really old in Bb years. There are no days on Bb because the same side of the planet always points to its sun. On Bb, when you want to go out for the evening, you have to travel to the dark side. It was rumoured that Obama spent way too much time there. Most Bbans stay mostly on the day side of the planet, where the work day is infinitely long and there is no weekend because there are no days. This can get to be a drag. It's why I came to earth and I'm sure it had something to do with Obama's migrating here as well.
Since it was discovered by earth scientists in 2012, there has been some scepticism here as to the existence of our home planet. I don't take offense, though. There are still some on Bb who don't believe in earth, despite the large number of Bbans who have migrated here over the years. Once we get here, there's a tendency to forget about Bb and not write home, and that may have something to do with it. My own birth parents on Bb started denying my existence soon after I left, but it's only because of a wicked law on Bb that makes parents liable for their children's exit tax if they leave without paying. The tax is really high, roughly comparable to the gross domestic product of Haiti, and no one pays it. If you reporters want to ask Obama an awkward question, ask him whether he paid the exit tax.
All taxes on Bb are really high, which is why most people there feel they need to work infinitely long days without weekends. That's probably why Obama feels that Americans don't have it so bad tax-wise. We really don't. Bbans do have really good government mandated health insurance though. The excellent health system helps people to keep working those infinitely long workdays for an infinitely long lifetime, which ensures that they'll keep paying taxes and keep the whole thing going. Do the math.
So, Donald Trump, get a clue. Don't go making wild accusations about things you don't know nothing about.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Thursday, February 19, 2015
NSA Slide Shows
The latest revelation from Snowden is that NSA and British intelligence stole the encryption keys for billions of cell phone SIM cards, allowing them to listen in on conversations without the assistance of the telephone companies involved merely be setting up radio receiving equipment near where the cell phone is being used.
That fact that NSA did this is not too surprising. It's safe to assume that spy agencies do everything you can think of and a lot that you can't think of. What strikes me, though, about this and the other Snowden revelations, is the form in which this information appeared within NSA and which was stolen by Snowden. It was a "slide show", that is, a PowerPoint presentation.
I remember somebody telling me once, I don't remember who or when, maybe my parents, that if you tell someone something, it's not a secret any more. A slide show is of course specifically created to inform a group of people, presumably people who don't have much knowledge of what is going on to begin with. My point is that, if you tell too many people about it, it's not going to stay secret for very long. It seems that NSA hires, I don't know, 2,000 people maybe? 20,000? And then swears them all to secrecy and tells them everything and expects that everything will stay secret. The truly shocking thing about Snowden's revelations is that NSA seems to be spreading around a lot of information about its operations to people who don't really need it to do their jobs. It's problematic to understand the motivation for this. It may just be braggadocio. It may be to justify funding or advance careers.
In spook films like "Mission: Impossible", spy secrets are kept in vaults with exotic electronic defenses. In reality, it seems that the nation's secrets are scattered haphazardly all over God's creation. If you need more evidence of this, consider the leak to a news reporter of CIA operative Valerie Plame's identity by Richard Armitage in 2003. As far as I can tell, there was no reason for Richard Armitage to know that Valerie Plame was a CIA agent. It was never explained how he knew that in the first place. Yes, he was a Deputy Secretary of State, but even so he would not need to know the identity of secret agents and shouldn't know it. The fact that this question never even came up in the scandal and grand jury investigation tells you that this is business as usual.
Then there's the question of how Snowden himself had access to all this. Well, OK, he was a system administrator. But it's not that hard to encrypt files to keep system administrators from being able to read stuff they're not supposed to read. I could do it using simple tools and I'm not much of a security expert. NSA on the other hand are supposed to be encryption experts. I can only conclude that our security agencies are bloated bureaucracies that are not very focused on their mission.
Some forty years ago I expressed my dismay to a friend about how inept U.S. intelligence agencies seemed to be. He expressed the thought that they might put out disinformation to make everyone believe they were dumb so that our enemies would underestimate them.
I wish it were true.
That fact that NSA did this is not too surprising. It's safe to assume that spy agencies do everything you can think of and a lot that you can't think of. What strikes me, though, about this and the other Snowden revelations, is the form in which this information appeared within NSA and which was stolen by Snowden. It was a "slide show", that is, a PowerPoint presentation.
I remember somebody telling me once, I don't remember who or when, maybe my parents, that if you tell someone something, it's not a secret any more. A slide show is of course specifically created to inform a group of people, presumably people who don't have much knowledge of what is going on to begin with. My point is that, if you tell too many people about it, it's not going to stay secret for very long. It seems that NSA hires, I don't know, 2,000 people maybe? 20,000? And then swears them all to secrecy and tells them everything and expects that everything will stay secret. The truly shocking thing about Snowden's revelations is that NSA seems to be spreading around a lot of information about its operations to people who don't really need it to do their jobs. It's problematic to understand the motivation for this. It may just be braggadocio. It may be to justify funding or advance careers.
In spook films like "Mission: Impossible", spy secrets are kept in vaults with exotic electronic defenses. In reality, it seems that the nation's secrets are scattered haphazardly all over God's creation. If you need more evidence of this, consider the leak to a news reporter of CIA operative Valerie Plame's identity by Richard Armitage in 2003. As far as I can tell, there was no reason for Richard Armitage to know that Valerie Plame was a CIA agent. It was never explained how he knew that in the first place. Yes, he was a Deputy Secretary of State, but even so he would not need to know the identity of secret agents and shouldn't know it. The fact that this question never even came up in the scandal and grand jury investigation tells you that this is business as usual.
Then there's the question of how Snowden himself had access to all this. Well, OK, he was a system administrator. But it's not that hard to encrypt files to keep system administrators from being able to read stuff they're not supposed to read. I could do it using simple tools and I'm not much of a security expert. NSA on the other hand are supposed to be encryption experts. I can only conclude that our security agencies are bloated bureaucracies that are not very focused on their mission.
Some forty years ago I expressed my dismay to a friend about how inept U.S. intelligence agencies seemed to be. He expressed the thought that they might put out disinformation to make everyone believe they were dumb so that our enemies would underestimate them.
I wish it were true.
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